Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Bumper sticker of the year: 'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
